days go by and i am wondering whether i am really that person who i think i am. whether i am just trying very hard to be something else. there is a fine line of diffrentiation you know from the person you are and whom you really want to be..
We may put up a thousand masks, a thousand fake smiles, i just cant believe i am the person i have become.. i couldnt hurt anyone.. i never have.. how did this happen...??? it was never in my control i am so sick and tired of the guilt. i feel like some situtations in life cant be controlled and the more i try to hang on, on the end of that rope.. it just kills me.. i am so tired of being sorry.. i have made many mistakes but wy do i judge someone so cruelly when i am not perfect myself?/ why do i say things i dont mean..?? why does all this break my heart so much..:(..we have plans ... we think life will go this way and that way. our goals our beliefs.. and all of a sudden, you are thrown in the corner to tell you like it was a joke on you , that nothing goes our way in life. the more you think and dream about a perfect life, and imagine that tomorrow will be better than today, its a big lie. my perfect life is just today. i rather live in this moment than in any other, i cant be more happier than today.. i will reamin sad even tomorrow even if i got the best things in life, because thats the way i may be. i have hurt and i have been hurt, its just that some things are not meant to be, they are all just expereinces for something bigger , it gives you an insight into your future mistakes.i am human after all and its in me to make mistakes, but then not to that extent that i never learn from them, but somewhow i neever seem to get the lesson right..:p...may be i am notperfect but i do try really hard everyday.. i bet on my life that , that begger on the street is having a million times worser problems, and i am just self pitying way too much.
lifes extremely strange.. and the more i analyse and try to take control of it, it just spirals away out of my control. i cant live a life according to me, things change , circumstances change, the same person whom you waited to talk to everyday might be the one person you never want to talk to again.. but thats the beauty of life. nothing remains constant because if it did, we would all lose our will to live, and there would be nothing new to learn.:)
why i am i writing this? because i am pretty disgusted right now, i am sad basically. so here i am writing here again..:Dcheers!!love and lots of love,sangeetha
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