Timeless on a river bank

how long has it been?? its too long i say to myself..
It is a dream i told myself...There is a voice in my head that tells me.. don't live this way..
it was a beautiful evening.. it is beautiful all around, the sun's setting and there i am sitting all alone in a cottage.. probably thinking about how life passed me by, probably thinking about all those moments of joy and failure.. all is good.. life's a beautiful paradise... may be my soul is thousands of years old...its turning all dark and there is a beautiful garden in my yard.. a thousand trees surrounding me..
i start walking down a lonely path.. i realise i am not afraid this time, afraid of anything.. afraid of anyone hurting me or any one's opinion..
its misty and cold and there is an old tree i pass by...may be a hundred years old.. may be even it has seen a million things , of millions of people passing it by.. a thousand people with probably broken or beautiful lives... may be its watching me and wondering what i am doing in this forest ..

i am alone , and i have no one to share anything with..its a magical place.. i am attached to nothing and i am just a bird probably with space needed to fly i am thinking.. there is no fear.. there is no hatred.. all is only pure and peaceful...

i wander in the darkness with no sign of light , i am wondering how God could create so much beauty, with everything so diverse, everything so unique.... whatever he did, no one could ever do a better job. He made thing just beautiful.. The smell of fresh soil when it rains was all that was surrounding me...

As i am walking down that narrow path, there is a sudden shimmer of light gaping down a hole..
staring at my face, like it was living .. It looked like it was welcoming me with warm open arms...

i walk towards that light wondering where the paths leading me to..I see a beautiful pond with all shimmers of gold and silver.. there is sunlight falling on it, and sparkle just dazzles me, my still heart skips a beat..
I sit down there and i watch, and wait. Like i was waiting for something.. Something that i have been waiting for all my life now.. I wait and i don't move..I know that i have come home to something, and probably found something that i will remember till i take my last breath, and there he was , sitting down the same pond as me, probably waiting for someone to arrive just like me..
He sat beside and told me beautiful things about life, and what my purpose here was, and i was wondering in my dreams whether it could really be true, that all the things i don't understand are what will be explained here. Here in this silence, everything seemed real. There is no difference between life and death. The both are the same things..Life is all action and the reaction to life itself is death..

As he sat down and explained life to me, i for a moment wasn't trying to understand and analyse everything. For a moment may be not for long i didn't want to be anywhere else but here.

But then the dream didn't last. I woke to realise that life's the same way it was. May be i will find true love and may be i wont, but then the journey of life itself is so beautiful that i have nothing else to understand and analyse so much, probably take things to my stride and live each day like it was my last..
life is amazing that's true.. It is like we have a mould of clay, we have all these experiences , we are bent and twisted , may be we are shapeless in the beginning, but then in the end we turn out right, in our own astonishing ways.

I wish i could go back to that dream and just walk down that road again, or probably that path is set for me in my life itself.

C u all,
lots of love,
sangeetha

Poem:D

the beautiful dreams around me i built,

fragile and deep,

no one can ever come in here,

for as long as i live,

for the things i see no one can,

for the way i feel no one can,

the sweet scent of flowers in the garden of life,

the silent tears that everyone cries,

the depth of pain and pleasure,

the moment we realise that loneliness in the biggest fear we have,

the day we realise that nothing can be bigger than our own inhibitions about life,

we are set free and we break the chains that hold us back..

listen to the heart,

it has a million secrets,

listen to the soul,

it will set you free...

and that's what i want to be,

to be set free...

Sangeetha

hi ya!! SEPTEMBER 20th

hi all,
its been a loong week.. and a very boring week too... life just so monotonous.. i do the same thing everyday.. i was reading this amazing book "Brida"... Now that keeps me thinking the whole day.. " soulmate" these are things i stopped thinking about and probably dont believe exist.:D
but honestly.. the book is amazing.. makes me want to think again.. well nowadays.. i am running so much.. it seems like i am running away from myself..
feel so disconnected from what i really am.. but then this is better than thinking endlessly about things that dont really exist probably:D..
hmm i planning on a lotta things right now.. and some how nothing is fitting in. have to give some certifications.. prolly find a better job.. or start my higher studies.. do an mba probably.. well lets see what lifes got for me..:D>. i am sooo confused about so many things and yet seemed have to have made it till here..:D.. so lets see whats there in the next bend:D

cya all love ya all,
peace,
sangeetha

hi ya july 29..

days go by and i am wondering whether i am really that person who i think i am. whether i am just trying very hard to be something else. there is a fine line of diffrentiation you know from the person you are and whom you really want to be..
We may put up a thousand masks, a thousand fake smiles, i just cant believe i am the person i have become.. i couldnt hurt anyone.. i never have.. how did this happen...??? it was never in my control i am so sick and tired of the guilt. i feel like some situtations in life cant be controlled and the more i try to hang on, on the end of that rope.. it just kills me.. i am so tired of being sorry.. i have made many mistakes but wy do i judge someone so cruelly when i am not perfect myself?/ why do i say things i dont mean..?? why does all this break my heart so much..:(..we have plans ... we think life will go this way and that way. our goals our beliefs.. and all of a sudden, you are thrown in the corner to tell you like it was a joke on you , that nothing goes our way in life. the more you think and dream about a perfect life, and imagine that tomorrow will be better than today, its a big lie. my perfect life is just today. i rather live in this moment than in any other, i cant be more happier than today.. i will reamin sad even tomorrow even if i got the best things in life, because thats the way i may be. i have hurt and i have been hurt, its just that some things are not meant to be, they are all just expereinces for something bigger , it gives you an insight into your future mistakes.i am human after all and its in me to make mistakes, but then not to that extent that i never learn from them, but somewhow i neever seem to get the lesson right..:p...may be i am notperfect but i do try really hard everyday.. i bet on my life that , that begger on the street is having a million times worser problems, and i am just self pitying way too much.
lifes extremely strange.. and the more i analyse and try to take control of it, it just spirals away out of my control. i cant live a life according to me, things change , circumstances change, the same person whom you waited to talk to everyday might be the one person you never want to talk to again.. but thats the beauty of life. nothing remains constant because if it did, we would all lose our will to live, and there would be nothing new to learn.:)
why i am i writing this? because i am pretty disgusted right now, i am sad basically. so here i am writing here again..:Dcheers!!love and lots of love,sangeetha

poem..:D

pages of time flipping by..i am wondering whats there in the end of that bend..a thousand mistakes ,a thousand smiles..i tried to be perfect,i tried to be somebody else,i tried so hard..but i realise..accepting myself is the best way to live..

i walked down that dark stormy forest,and now i am sitting on the edge of that hill,with the cool wind passing me by,i hear the sound of the most beautiful music...i know there are silent whispers in the sky..

the storm in my mind has finally ended..i have to forgive myself before i forgive others..i just have to live and accept life..lifes a full circle we return to where we started...life is beautiful and i realise nothing is perfect we mend with time...
---Sangeetha Mani

june 27 2008

hi ya,
wassup there??? :D...here i am again talking things that dunt matter to ne1.. updates..:p.. i started learning violin again.. i am so super happy about that.. update 2.. started yoga again...i am so happy nowadays.. its getting wierd now...:D
now wat the hell.. neways.. there one thing in my life thats the best thing about my lfie right now... it makes me so very happy that i cant start explaining... just the presence of those few people arnd me makes me super happy.. agggain..:p...those lil kids.. they make my weekend.. they are just super.. update 4.. we are moving to jaynagar..yipee.. all my friends are there...
i will miss this house.. n all those days i made growing up so tough here..:p..
well neways.. so many updates.. and so many things happeneing.. my lifes like changing real fast...
i plus i learnt a lot more... i am less of a tension party now.. i am able to knock off people bothering me.. i am able to speak up!!:D..i am glad..
hmmm.. then wat else?? there is nothing much here neways...

gud day ppls..:D

hii yaaaa:p

hi all,
hows everything there???? loong time eh?? real looong time.. c i am bak in bangalore.. went thru my ups n downs n learnt a hell lot.. lifes kind of a breeze right now.. thats good.. when all the madness finally settles.. and when u r finally not trying to figure out the madness in ur head..
lifes like that.... i am working and i am ahppy and all that.. but suddenly i am not thinking too much about life.. i am at that point u can say where i just want to go with the flow.. just no thinking and i have changed.. got a new haircut..:p...
no i am not talking about all that.. just that i am wondering now sitting here in the night(crazy me???).. where the hell is this journey going?? none of the pieces fit in.. its like a big puzzle u know.. i keep wondering and wondering.. n nothing makes sense.. but i am just not trying to figure out..:D..
i guess i am just confusing u???:D
well.. getting to the point... we all have our theories and notions our perceptions and things in our head.. a million thoughts hitting our head in a day.. but god knows where we are goin.. we areally dont know.. its better to just go with the flow.. and just take it easy... we cant control our lives all the time.. otherwise we all would have things we want.. but lifes not like that.. its probably a little complex.. but the more we think about it... we get lost...
well neways.. i dont know where my life going to.. but whatever ..i am strong enough to face the strom or whatever comes ahead.. because there is so much to learn..:)
keep smiling..
tata,
gnite...